That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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