suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
