Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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