Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
