Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
