Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
