just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
