dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
