we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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