Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
