in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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