i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We're too hungover to prance.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
