It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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