so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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