She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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