Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
