Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
