My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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