i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
