so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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