everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Less talking, more tequila
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
