After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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