Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
