Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
