I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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