oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
