i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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