saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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