Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
