So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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