People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
