i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
