Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
