Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
