he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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