i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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