Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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