ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
50% drunk capacity currently
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
