Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
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She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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