If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
