2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Soap is not a condiment
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
