Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
