I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
send nudes
from the living room?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
