You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
