the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
