farters have to be the big spoon...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
