i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
