You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture