Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.