Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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