So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
