I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
