I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
