Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
