You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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