I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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