dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
