if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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