Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone shattered a urinal.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
