I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
