I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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