new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
