My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Vodka?
Forever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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