I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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