if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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