That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
