Are we in a gay sports bar?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
