this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
