nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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