shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
