No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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