So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize